Why Doulas?
By Liliana Lammers
I still remember that embarrassing situation many years ago, at Chelsea and Westminster Labour Ward. A young midwife was smiling at me and asking: Oh, you are a doula! How do you spell that? What do you do?
I looked down, felt a bit lost…did not know what to say.
Do you do massage? Do you do reflexology? acupuncture? …she insisted cheerfully…and my silence led her to forget me, thankfully. Besides, Kate was in labour! And I did not know what I was doing , anyway I was not doing anything. I was with Kate.
After fifteen years of doulaing in London I have now an answer for that midwife! Not so much about what we do but about why labouring women need doulas in a country where there are midwives? It is simple; a Spanish grandmother told me a few years ago: ‘When in labour we need a person who gives us peace’ It sounds better in Spanish: ‘Cuando estamos de parto necesitamos que se nos de paz’. At that moment I understood what my role was.
I am a mother of four and grandmother of four grandsons…and more to come! I had the extraordinary chance to have three homebirths assisted by Dr Michel Odent. Empowering births, simple births, life changing experiences. Friends will ask: What did he do? Again that word “DOING”. Who said that when we are in labour we need somebody DOING something??? And why on earth when a woman is in labour humans beings have this unstoppable need to do something or to say something?
Only yesterday I was at a birth, first time Mum…her cat was lying flat below the Moses basket, silent, out of the way, not doing anything! A lot to learn from our pets!
Is it fear? Is it the need to be in control? And control brings us back to FEAR. Can we dream of a time when we will replace FEAR by TRUST? Fear closes doors and trust opens them. In a very practical way, when talking about birth it is better to open doors! Yes, so the baby can get out, you’ve got it!
Let us go back to my three homebirths, I have learned so much from them…and Michel Odent did NOTHING….except to PROTECT my space when I faded away in a dark corner, in full labour. He sent my Mum out with the children, kept my partner out of sight, nobody interrupted me…my big babies popped out without any pushing, any coaching…total privacy. Three real foetal ejection reflexes.
And that is what we need…to be trusted, so that we can trust our bodies…trust our babies.
As a doula I have noticed that when a couple trusts me, the labour is much shorter. I say ‘couple’, I need to include the father because if he does not trust me…that will of course affect the labour; adrenaline is so contagious and it inhibits the flow of oxytocin.
And what about midwives? Are they not supposed to be with the wife?
I actually call most of them junior doctors…check, check, check…inform, inform, inform…lots of questions…and they keep going in and out. Like doctors.
Do I need to say more? Will they ever go back to knitting…and knowing?!
Liliana Lammers
By Liliana Lammers
I still remember that embarrassing situation many years ago, at Chelsea and Westminster Labour Ward. A young midwife was smiling at me and asking: Oh, you are a doula! How do you spell that? What do you do?
I looked down, felt a bit lost…did not know what to say.
Do you do massage? Do you do reflexology? acupuncture? …she insisted cheerfully…and my silence led her to forget me, thankfully. Besides, Kate was in labour! And I did not know what I was doing , anyway I was not doing anything. I was with Kate.
After fifteen years of doulaing in London I have now an answer for that midwife! Not so much about what we do but about why labouring women need doulas in a country where there are midwives? It is simple; a Spanish grandmother told me a few years ago: ‘When in labour we need a person who gives us peace’ It sounds better in Spanish: ‘Cuando estamos de parto necesitamos que se nos de paz’. At that moment I understood what my role was.
I am a mother of four and grandmother of four grandsons…and more to come! I had the extraordinary chance to have three homebirths assisted by Dr Michel Odent. Empowering births, simple births, life changing experiences. Friends will ask: What did he do? Again that word “DOING”. Who said that when we are in labour we need somebody DOING something??? And why on earth when a woman is in labour humans beings have this unstoppable need to do something or to say something?
Only yesterday I was at a birth, first time Mum…her cat was lying flat below the Moses basket, silent, out of the way, not doing anything! A lot to learn from our pets!
Is it fear? Is it the need to be in control? And control brings us back to FEAR. Can we dream of a time when we will replace FEAR by TRUST? Fear closes doors and trust opens them. In a very practical way, when talking about birth it is better to open doors! Yes, so the baby can get out, you’ve got it!
Let us go back to my three homebirths, I have learned so much from them…and Michel Odent did NOTHING….except to PROTECT my space when I faded away in a dark corner, in full labour. He sent my Mum out with the children, kept my partner out of sight, nobody interrupted me…my big babies popped out without any pushing, any coaching…total privacy. Three real foetal ejection reflexes.
And that is what we need…to be trusted, so that we can trust our bodies…trust our babies.
As a doula I have noticed that when a couple trusts me, the labour is much shorter. I say ‘couple’, I need to include the father because if he does not trust me…that will of course affect the labour; adrenaline is so contagious and it inhibits the flow of oxytocin.
And what about midwives? Are they not supposed to be with the wife?
I actually call most of them junior doctors…check, check, check…inform, inform, inform…lots of questions…and they keep going in and out. Like doctors.
Do I need to say more? Will they ever go back to knitting…and knowing?!
Liliana Lammers